mood swings

so im a Gemini right? which means of course that i have mood swings. a lot of people say that gemini is synonymous with bipolar. im not sure if i agree because i knew someone who really was bipolar. that disorder is no joke. i have mood swings but im not bipolar, that's some other shit.

ten minutes ago i tweeted "i need a blog but im too lazy" then 8 minutes later i said "fuck twitter im making a blog" then made the blog, started this post, and around the last sentence almost said "fuck this blog," and deleted it all. this could be me just being indecisive, but its a little example.

i'm currently in the worst mood ever. i haven't eaten all day, im hungry as hell but i don't want to eat. im sleepy, laying in bed, but i don't want to sleep. i want to go smoke a joint but i don't feel like going on the mission to buy the weed and i ran out of papers. i don't feel like moving. this mood has lasted most of the weekend which kills everything because these are the days i have to myself. everything just makes me so mad and i don't want to speak to anybody or see anyone i just want to stuff my face in ice cream but i don't feel like going through the process of eating it.

but when im in a good mood, its great. everyone around me is in one too. im full of energy and pure happiness. it sucks though cuz it makes me question the genuineness of my happiness when im in a depressed state. how can i be so happy at one moment when im depressed as shit the next? it cant be real happiness. what is real happiness?

i do a good job (or so i would like to think) at hiding my emotions. i don't think im ever truly happy, but it's whatever. i don't care. point me to someone who really is happy.

as long as im not on my deathbed, im cool. i know, the more i live, the more i die until one day, im gone and the world keeps spinning.

no i dont have suicidal thoughts. no i dont cut myself. i just ask too many questions for my own good sometimes. sometimes my questions dont have answers and that drives me crazy.

anywho, this is my new blog, The-Slacktivist. im not sure yet what its gonna be about, so im gonna mess around with posts. philosophical stuff, current events, and RNS most likely. stay tuned. this blogging shit is in my blood b *pounds chest*

-follow me on twitter @RughdaWtfYo