Silence

Unanswered questions bounce back and forth echoing along the inner walls of my skull. The consistent chatter is relentless, to the point that these very thoughts have become incomprehensible. My only wish is to release myself of them, to "let go and let god" as they have been telling me, but at times I wonder if they have my best interest at heart. Am I stubborn, or am I aware of my own divinity to a point where letting go and letting god is to let go and let myself blossom without the weight of this self-doubt slowing me down? How long is the road to redemption? Whenever I listen to "their" suggestions, I find myself back where I began, questioning my role in my own life. 

 

It seems I have only been able to make sense of the murmurs with eyes closed and mind open, head towards the night sky. The tears comforted by the incandescent glow of the moon, and all the flickers from the millions of candles in her company. I wonder what the problem is. 

In reality, the issue is my impatience with my world. I live alone in my mind, embodying the thoughts I have envisioned over time. I have seen tomorrow and have visited back to yesterday time and time again. I remain idle in the present, too impressed by the grandeur of the days ahead to be content with the labors of today. They say to live in the moment. But I am impatient and confused. Long days followed by longer nights leave me tangled in a mix of time and effort, unsure of where I really am but programmed to continue as I have been continuing. How far away is the promise land? 

The wind carries the voice of my unspoken questions to the atmosphere of my world as I continue to dig deep for answers. The silence that responds is astoundingly comforting. The echoing is residing and their comments mean nothing to me. I have seen a thousand yesterdays and have watched the sun rise tomorrow, a thousand times more. They say I live in a dream world. Presently, I acknowledge their commentary. I know they will have nothing more to say in the upcoming tomorrows.