pre-day one things

I really hope I didn't forget anything, I did all my packing for the next 6 weeks in 2 hours. It helped that I had a checklist but you never really know until you get there. It is 2:19 am, standard eastern time as I am typing this in the comfort of my home in New Jersey. At this time tomorrow night I will be in the air somewhere between Amsterdam and Nairobi. And at this time the following night I'll probably be on my father's rooftop in Uganda.

It's finally starting to settle in. I have no idea what I'm in for, I just know that I'm ready for it, for everything, for all the changes.

The other night I was lusty. I wanted badly to break the dry spell and let a man with a gentle touch and loud spirit get to know me wholly. But something was holding me back. 
"Why... we both want this..."

But... 6 weeks is a long time...

"You think that's gonna change things between you & I?"

No but it will between I & myself...

"What does that have to do with now?"

Everything.

Now has everything to do with tomorrow. If I make a decision today, it will be a decision I live with tomorrow. Whether I regret or accept or just live with it, each movement through time changes the outcome of the future. The future which only doesn't exist "yet" because we haven't seen it... Making it akin to a voice on the other end of a telephone call from the opposite hemisphere of the globe...

I will now quote one of my favorite novels, Slaughterhouse 5: All moments, past, present, and future always have existed, always will exist.

As I sit and think before my trip, I realize this visit has already happened. In a few months, I will be laying down, reminiscing about how something reminds me of the time I was in Kenya doing this or that.... It just hasn't happened yet. And in order for it to get to that, I just have to continue to live.

So that I will. With a clear conscious and a peaceful state of mind, I can't wait to live in and capture the moments of tomorrow.